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JUST SAYING
BY RAUL HERNANDEZ
King Donnie is fuming.
His once-mighty kingdom is slipping through his stubby little fingers, and it’s been a brutal ride trying to keep his unruly subjects in line.
First, he lost all those sweet, sweet minerals in Ukraine—thanks to that pesky President Zelensky, who just won’t roll over and hand over the keys to Ukraine. Then, his grand Greenland heist is melting faster than the polar ice caps. The Danes and the rest of Europe are howling with laughter at the Orange Jackass while Denmark mockingly offers to trade California for his failed empire.
Thinking of a vacation in Gaza? Hold off—bulldozers and billionaire real estate moguls haven’t arrived to turn it into a Mar-a-Lago beach resort just yet.
The Panama Canal? Still a pipe dream, like most of his business ventures.
And then there’s Canada. Oh, Canada. The land of politeness has finally snapped, collectively flipping Orange Elmo the biggest “F**k off” in history. Millions of middle fingers are raised in unison, and Americans can kiss their maple syrup imports goodbye as long as Dementia Don is at the helm.
Meanwhile, it’s raining lawsuits on the White House, and ICE agents are finding that immigrants have mastered the art of hide-and-seek, and Trump’s brain—bless its tiny, confused soul—is still out there trying to make friends with reality.
Somewhere in the chaos, his advisors are praying he doesn’t discover Antarctica on a map and decide he wants to buy that, too. Or rename it.
Yikes!