Jamie Dimon, Ken Langone, and Ken Griffin — three titans of capitalism — are suddenly clutching their pearls because Trump’s tariffs are gutting their profits like a rusty chainsaw.

What a shocker! It only took a financial bloodbath for these so-called “conservative masterminds” to figure out that putting their faith in a guy with the business instincts of a drunken baboon was a bad idea.

Trump spent years broadcasting exactly who he was: the moral compass of a sewer rat, the intellect of a wilted houseplant, and the economic prowess of someone who once bankrupted a casino. But hey, who’s counting?

Backing Trump was like betting your mansion on a three-legged, one-eyed mule to win the Kentucky Derby — and now these billionaires are crying because their prize donkey keeled over before reaching the first turn.

The Orange Disaster delivered exactly what he promised: economic collapse, shattered retirements, and a bonfire of burning 401(k)s. Congratulations, geniuses.

These “bold” billionaires — now peeking out from behind their golden curtains — had no issue when kids were thrown in cages, Medicaid was gutted, or veterans were tossed aside. But mess with their stock portfolios? Sound the alarms!

Meanwhile, the Republican Party — the supposed guardians of fiscal sanity — are mute, paralyzed by their fear of upsetting the base that still worships at the altar of the golden calf.

Billionaires thought Trump would rain down tax cuts. Instead, he burned the country down.

What a GD joke.