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JUST SAYING

BY RAUL HERNANDEZ

I was half-expecting Lara Trump to replace Bad Bunny—because why not? It fits perfectly in the billionaire fantasy league where every team owner treats Trump like he’s the second coming of Vince Lombardi, if Lombardi had traded the playbook for a golf cart and a subpoena.

In MAGA-land, Lara’s the golden ticket: white, “God-fearing,” and fluent in “good English.” She’s got that Mar-a-Lago glow—the kind that comes from equal parts bronzer, Botox, and blind loyalty.

Her voice, though? Imagine a cat being held up by its testicles while someone autotunes the scream. That’s her national anthem.

Next up, expect her to join Kid Rock and Lee Greenwood for a medley of “I’m Proud to Be an American” and “Okie from Muskogee.” A full-blown MAGA karaoke night—sponsored by hypocrisy, hairspray, and Just for Men.

⚠️WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!⚠️

BREAKING NEWS FROM MAGA HQ:
“If you don’t dump Bad Bunny, we’re sending ICE and Border Patrol to round up every ‘undesirable,’ including kids who can’t even spell Super Bowl!” — Governor Kristi

Approved by: Donald J. Trump, Supreme Overlord of Irony